35 Tips To Stop Being Shy (Causes, Signs, Cures)

The Courageous Journey Out of Shyness

When we’re at a social function like a party, out with friends, or at a work gathering, we want to start a conversation with everyone, we don’t want to feel shy because we miss out on connections. Moreover, we miss out on making friends on developing relationships.

We want to speak to anyone there and feel comfortable making new friends quickly. Shyness is an entirely natural reaction, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up because you tend to be shy in front of others. In society, many think of people as gentle, sweet, nice, and fragile, but they don’t talk much.

In the grand theater of life, shyness feels like a curtain that obscures our true selves from the world. Shyness, seen as a delicate whisper in the cacophony of bolder voices, is both a refuge and a barrier. In this post, we go on a journey to explore the depths of shyness and discover the empowering tools to transcend it.

Whether you dream of speaking out in a crowded room, forging new connections, or simply living without the weight of constant self-consciousness, this guide is your roadmap. Let’s journey together through understanding, acceptance, and transformation, paving the way for your voice to be heard and your spirit to shine.

What is shyness?

Shyness is something that is caused by childhood incidents, maybe in others. It may be brain chemicals that we’re born with, so one can reinforce the other. You think there may be something in there once you read about the brain’s chemical elements.

Shyness is a bad habit or a personality trait. It’s not something you were born with. It’s something that we’ve learned, and we’ve self-sabotage, to be honest, because when we get shy, it’s because we are too worried about what other people think. We’re judging ourselves based on other people’s standards, and a lot of times, it’s more comfortable to be shy and be like, oh, I’m shy. If you do this, you’ll miss out on many fantastic opportunities this world has.

Shyness is something that can be learned and practiced over time. You may tend to be shy, but that’s because you’ve practiced it all your life. You’re probably shy. That shyness makes you look awkward. I’m here to give you what you need to fight that shyness and social anxiety.

Signs of shyness

We can quickly determine the shy person because shyness very quickly expresses physical and mental behavior. Here are some common signs of shyness:

  • You are someone who avoids social interactions.
  • You avoid parties and conversations with people.
  • You avoid all situations where you have to break out of your shell.
  • A shy person keeps looking at you, willing to talk but won’t.
  • When you look at them, they will look away or down.
  • They hesitate a lot and try to hide.
  • A shy person doesn’t speak much in front of unknown people.
  • They are somewhat better at observing than participating.
  • Their voice is low, and they don’t show anger easily.
  • They are silent and looking for a comfort zone.
  • They are bad at starting conversations and probably pretty insecure.
  • They like silent places and keep themselves alone.

Causes of shyness

There are a lot of causes for shyness. Our physical and mental activities are primarily responsible for it. Serotonin is your leadership hormone that grows your confidence. Also, Oxytocin (Love hormone) could cure shyness.

Causes of shyness
Causes of shyness

Maybe these hormones are responsible for your shyness or some other reason. Here are the top 10 reasons or causes for shyness:

1. Fear is an excellent cause of shyness: There’s a vital aspect of shyness: fear. Fear creates shyness in adults. In the brain’s limbic system, called the amygdala, the amygdala triggers your fears.

Another part of the brain is called the hippocampus and forms memories. It decides what’s healthy, what should become a strong memory, and what you should forget about.

So the amygdala is triggered by a fear of insulin. The hippocampus turns that into a strong memory. Being in a social situation where you may meet strange people triggers fear, and you’re shy.

2. Genetic: One of the common causes of shyness is genetics. Science says that about 3% of genetics as a trait is inherited from our ancestors. There may be some truth to that. Either way, we speak the way we think and act, partly due to our inherited genetics.

3. Culture: Another cause of shyness is your upbringing and culture. In some Asian cultures, introversion is more favorable and more respected.

Different countries have different types of cultures. A country carries different cultures from place to place. So, it’s difficult to feel free if you migrate from one place to another. You may feel shy and quiet.

4. Traumatic, painful experience: Another common cause could be a traumatic, painful experience that you’ve gone through in the past. It could happen at home, where you’ve been abused, or in public, where someone has done something to you.

It hurts you, and when you go through that traumatic experience as a child, it can affect you psychologically and mentally. You start behaving differently. You become quieter and more reserved.

5. Low self-esteem: If you don’t feel confident in who you are, chances are you don’t feel like talking to anybody. You’re concerned about how people will judge you or look at you. If you don’t have experience talking with people, a lack of social skills can contribute to your shyness.

6. Childhood behavior: The common reason is that something from childhood has impacted you. It’s influencing your adulthood. This is very general. Let’s keep making it more specific in your childhood from ages 0 to 7.

It’s been studied that from ages 0 to 7 when the subconscious mind is most sponge-like, it absorbs as much as possible from ages 0 to 7. So you want to ask yourself.

Did anything out of the ordinary happen during this period? You can look out for a few things. Let’s say you have an older brother or sister who used to speak up for you a lot since they spoke to you. So much you felt more passive, more laid back this

Another reason for your childhood could be that you grew up in a quiet household. Maybe your parents were shy, or your grandparents were shy.

7. Politeness: Certain people can’t fully understand you. They ask you to repeat yourself more, but they do it politely, while others are obscene. This is the person that’s sticking out to you the most. You don’t want to offend more people like this.

You want to understand that there will always be bad people that emerge in any life context. If you struggle with an accent, maybe a few people act like this.

8. Unconsciousness: You can’t distinguish between shy and quiet. You will create many problems for yourself that don’t exist. Shyness is when you’re feeling self-conscious about speaking up, and quiet is when you’re not feeling self-conscious.

9. Overthinking: You keep waiting for the perfect opportunities at this point in your life. You keep waiting for the ideal time to speak in a conversation.

There’s never a perfect time to speak in a conversation. There are bad times to talk in a conversation, but there are no perfect times. You have a problem with overthinking, looking for the perfect time to speak.

10. Personality: You think shyness is your personality, and it keeps you safe. The truth is that you are missing a lot of opportunities and enjoyment. Most people feel awkward with shy people. So it’s your wrong imagination that being shy is a good personality.

How to stop being shy?

Shyness stems from fear. Do you know what fear is? Fear is false evidence appearing real. This is important to understand as a shy person because you have this thing in your mind when your anxiety increases when you’re shy. You’re afraid to do it sometimes.

Overcoming shyness
Overcoming shyness

You have these fears. Whether fear of rejection, judging, not being accepted, not being good enough, etc., you’ll make a fool of yourself and have all these silly things running in your mind. It ends up depriving you of opportunities.

Today with 35 ways that you can quickly implement, and anybody can do it.

1. Determine what has caused your shyness

Determine what has caused your shyness and what happened to you in your past that has made you shy.

  • Were you bullied or not accepted in any way? Did an accident or incident occur that made you this way? Do know that if it’s anything of those sorts, that’s probably the reason you’re shy. It is not because you’re a shy person.

A lot of other people are not shy. Because they haven’t experienced the same thing you have, if that’s the case, it’s something very fixable, and maybe if you get help from someone, you can even get rid of it. It could be that you’re a shy person.

It could be that you don’t understand social interactions that much. Maybe you haven’t had that much practice. There could be so many reasons for you to be shy. It’s right for you to determine the cause. It can lead to a specific form of self-acceptance.

2. See your weaknesses as your strengths

Shyness may cause you to be a hard worker at home or very intelligent or precise. In other things that you do, there are always two of everything. You feel like it is a bad habit. It also has a lot of power and strengths.

I like to say I have anxiety and everything, and I have anxiety about losing my role, which is horrific. The other side is that I am like that makes me a super hard worker and a perfectionist, leading me to where I am today. My weaknesses and what I’ve gone through as a child have made me the healthy person I am now as an adult.

  • So, try to turn your weakness into your superpower. People who have not struggled with anything like that will never get anywhere in life. You need hardships to grow as a person. We’re going to get into coping mechanisms.

3. Make scenarios in your head

Some people are dying, but others are dying to go home. Because you’re not having fun, maybe that’s not that bad. It’s nice to make things a little less bad for yourself. You say something to someone, and you get an awkward reply. It is the worst thing that could happen. What would you have to do in that case?

  • Make the scenarios in your head. Write them down what the worst things that could happen to you are. What are some nightmare scenarios could be? Someone isn’t applying you in the best way possible. What is the worst thing that can happen? Determine how bad that worst thing could happen.

For example, the worst thing that can happen if you go to a party alone is that you cannot find anyone you like. If that’s the worst thing, how bad is that? There’s always a way out. You can always go home. You don’t like it. You can go home. If that’s the worst thing, that’s not that bad.

  • You would have to leave the situation and not talk to that person anymore. It’s not the worst thing that could happen, and how bad is it that it’s not that bad? You might never see them again, and it’s one person. Your life does not depend on it.
  • So, write down the worst-case scenarios for yourself and make them last. The worst possible outcome might not even be that bad.

4. Take it easy

Start to accept that you only want to be around your type of people. Ultimately, you can put on an entire persona and pretend to be someone you’re not and then build a big group of friends with people who aren’t your type. They’re the type of like you when you’re acting.

After two months, you get tired of acting and turn to your person, and the whole vibe is wrong. You never liked those people that much because they’re not your type.

  • It’s nice to accept that you only want to be friends with people you can connect with on an inner level. You, as a person, feel connected.
  • It’s not bad to weed out the wrong people in advance because you’re not acting. It’s nice to be yourself. People who will like you for you will come to you, and those who won’t like you won’t. It’s not a big deal because you don’t want to be around them. You couldn’t be around them because it wouldn’t work. It’s pretty okay.

5. Keep secrets about your weaknesses

Don’t tell your weakness to anyone. I’ve talked about this a few times and learned a lot this year because I do not tell people about my weaknesses. They will take advantage of you, especially people you haven’t known for long.

  • If you tell them that you’re shy, they’re going to see you as a shy person. They’re going to take advantage of you by putting you in situations. They know that you won’t fight for yourself. So, do not ever tell people that you’re shy.

6. Practice of calm back

There are a lot of grumpy people everywhere, and people are busy. You are trying to get to your destination. There are many situations where people are mean to me in the streets. What I don’t like is being hit on at that time.

I’m having an anxiety attack, and then if someone randomly decides to flirt with me, it makes me feel anxious. I’m not in the right state of mind to handle that situation. I have a safe word, and my safe word is ‘Leave me alone!’

I have that in my head. Since I’ve decided that’s my safe word, it comes naturally in any situation, and something happens. It’s easy because I don’t have to think about a comeback. Sometimes, it’s hard for me if I have that anxiety. At that moment, coming up with a comeback was hard. You know how that feels, how you can come home thinking that you should have said something?

  • You have to make sure you have a few default answers. You can say to someone in case of feel uncomfortable. If you’re shy, ‘leave me alone’ might not be practical. Something like, ‘I have to go pee’ could be one. You can get yourself out of any situation. Nobody will find that weird if you take that as your safe word.

You can say that all the time. It’s a natural thing to say. It’s okay. You can get out of any situation and have its default locks on it. It comes out so fast that you don’t have to think about it. You don’t have to start.

7. Accept the trial and error process

Start seeing your life as a social experiment and try to see it as a trial and error. Going to situations, try to see how it goes. See how people respond to you, and then if it doesn’t go right, you try again next time. If it does go right, you can write that down.

  • Make a mental note and try it again. Your life is an experiment. If you see this trial and error, it’s a lot less bad. Everything becomes softer if it goes wrong; you don’t have to beat yourself up. I’m saying right here to soften your feelings and make everything feel less big and horrible.

It’s not that bad. Some people are going through immense trauma and pain. It’s, of course, and I’ve said this before. Everything you go through is relative. I’m not trying to say that you can’t feel this way and are not allowed to feel this way. But it’s right for you to soften your head and not make it all bad. It’s going to help you.

8. Stop thinking about shy

The more you think about it, the more you want to stop thinking about being shy. The truth is you’re not permanently shy. It’s something that you can change. You’re not the shy guy. You’re shy on certain occasions, and it can be changed.

  • So, stop overthinking whether you’re out on a date or off with your friends. You’re too busy thinking about being shy. What do I do? I don’t know what to say. Your head is going to be filled in with negative thoughts. It’s exactly the opposite of what you need. You need a clear line of thinking to think about what you’ll say instead of your fears.

9. Mark your shyness

Make sure that you notice when you start feeling shy. Is it only when you’re talking to a girl or a boy? For example, does it happen in person and on the phone? These things matter. Because once you know what causes it, you can be ready for it.

  • It fits with girls or boys, then gives yourself a pep talk right before you start talking to them, or while talking to girls, think to yourself when you get shy and usually when you stop talking. So, this time, you are doing the opposite. You are doing this right because you can do it and stop thinking about it.

10. Smile and talk

When you’re not talking, you’re in your head. You’re overthinking. So, break the ice. Be fast! Don’t let dead air fill the conversation. Give compliments, whether a girl you’re talking to or a boss at work.

  • Everyone loves compliments. It’s going to ease the conversation. It makes them feel good. Make sure that you’re honest.

If you like your boss’s shoes or tie, then say that. If you think his new car is nice, use that to break the ice and the same for the girl. Talk about her outfit, make fun of her in an excellent way, and make sure that you’re smiling while you’re doing it.

  • Get used to talking a lot more than you ever have. Open your mouth. Let it out. Sometimes, you’ll feel stupid for whatever came out of your mouth, but anything is better than nothing. Once you start doing that, once you start talking and engaging with the other person, you’re going to notice that it’s not that hard at all. You get used to it.

11. Speak up a little bit louder

Get used to being out of your comfort zone. For example, you tend never to speak up if you’re shy. You’re listening and processing the information, but keep your thoughts to yourself. It needs to change. What will you do next time you feel shy around a group?

  • First, you’re going to increase the sound of your voice. You’re going to get a little bit louder, and that’s because when you’re shy, you tend to speak very softly. Because a lot of times, you don’t want other people to hear your conversation. You’re talking to that one person, and that’s it. You don’t want the whole group to chime in, but that needs to change.
  • So, speak up a little louder, and others can join your conversation. Try to talk to people across the table from you on the other side. It is a great practice.

Once you can be comfortable talking to someone across the table from you while everyone is listening, you will feel like a completely different person. Get used to being outside your comfort zone and say goodbye to thinking you’re shy.

12. Think before saying something

Think about what you’re going to say before you even go out. I’m not saying write down exactly where you will talk about a script. It is what I will say at dinner tonight with my friends. It’s not going to work. I’m saying think of a couple of jokes. Think of what’s happening in the world.

  • Think of things that you can discuss and are comfortable talking about. It’s like presenting something in school. You have to study the subject to feel comfortable talking about it.

13. Be aware of your shyness

Understand what’s happening with your shyness. What do I mean by this? When you’re in a situation where you feel shy, take a look and begin to see what’s happening with the shyness. Take a look inside.

For example, why do I feel shy now if someone’s out at a party and feels shy? I feel shy because I feel nervous. Why do I feel uneasy? I feel nervous because there are people here that I don’t know. Why do I feel nervous about that?

  • You begin to understand what’s happening with your shyness. You’ll probably come up with different reasons, and that’s important. What’s essential is that you begin to understand what’s happening. Once you become aware of something, then you begin to change it. It’s difficult to change something unless you’re aware of it.
  • You don’t even know what it is. You need to change. I want to note this when you begin to look and see what’s happening with shyness. When you’re in situations that cause it, it’s essential to do so with kindness and compassion, be gentle with yourself, and be non-judgmental. From this ground of gentleness and understanding, you can understand what’s happening and begin to change it.

14. Write about your shyness

Try to understand what you aspire to see. Many say they want to overcome shyness but don’t know what that means or may not know.

As a result, it’s difficult for them to get there if you don’t see what you want. There’s a good chance you can get it. What I recommend is that you write out. It is what you want to achieve, making you much more likely to achieve it.

  • Write the problems that lead to shyness.
  • Make a sticky note about your fears & insecurities.
  • Read your notes and problems loudly and say- I’m a winner. I’m stronger.

When you do it daily, your brain will mark it as necessary. Then, your brain automatically starts emitting dopamine, which is called a motivational neurotransmitter. It leads your mind to stay awake and joyful, which helps overcome your shyness.

15. Go out and socialize

Go out and socialize a couple of times a week with people you don’t know. I recommend going to a mall or maybe a party with friends we don’t know.

  • Go for an hour at a time. Nothing big, and practice is talking to people there. If you’re at the mall, you can practice going into the store, shopping talking to the people in the stores.

It makes you feel more comfortable around people you don’t know, which will help your body adjust and make you feel less shy and more confident in social situations. I always say you absolutely can find social success.

  • You can make everyone like you. You can make many friends. You’ll have to schedule. You can get all the dates you want. You can feel confident and free in social situations. It’s all quite simple.

16. Use affirmations to hack your mind

An affirmation is a reinforcing statement that is programmed. Your mind thinks of your mind as a computer. It’s going to turn in the same way. Every day it’s going to open the same programs. It’s going to shut down the same way.

  • Every day, if you want to change what’s happening here, you must use affirmations. You need to reprogram what’s going on in here.
  • So you’ve probably heard of this before and dismissed it, but it works. You have to be consistent with it. But telling yourself that you’re not shy, that your imperfections don’t matter, that you’re outgoing, and that you’re confident that people will like you.

People are going to be drawn toward you. It’s only going to reinforce that statement, and it’s going to make you believe. An affirmation is telling yourself the same statement over and over again. I’m a confident man, and I don’t worry about judgment.

17. Break the comfort zones

You have to challenge your comfort zone. Ask people more questions, and start leading the conversation because you’d be confident. Take a mental preparation for breaking your comfort zone that increases your shyness.

  • You should never label yourself as someone who isn’t confident. It’s the same way you should never label yourself as someone who’s shot because confidence comes from challenging your comfort zone. The more you’ve done it, the more you’ve established trust within that area. You have to be aware of that situation.

18. Use the five-second rule

This is counting down from five to zero in your head, but before you get to zero, you have to take action, which could be to break the ice. You want to speak to someone over there but are too shy. Your minds are going to be telling all of you this.

  • Your insecurities will start to kick in. You’ll fear your worries that five-second rule counts are down from five, four, three, two, and one. Before you get to one, you’re off, and you’ve gone and started the conversation. You’ve broken the ice. Challenge yourself because the more you use that five-second rule, the more to break those problems.

When I say this, breaking the ice and speaking to someone is the hardest thing, but it becomes easier once it’s done. The conversation starts to flow.

19. Identify your insecurities

The best trick to getting over being shy is to identify your insecurities. What are you insecure about, and once you identify them, change them? If you can’t embrace them, they’re growing up. Many guys who are insecure about their teeth or smile won’t talk as much as confident people are comfortable with their teeth. If this is you, you can do something about it.

  • You could whiten them. If they’re yellow, you could get orthodontic procedures or braces. It’s not cheap, and you might have to spend a little money.
  • If you’ve got acne or skin pigmentation, it kills your confidence. There’s help out there. See a dermatologist, see a dietician, and after you get it under control. Identify your insecurities and solve them smartly.

20. Smile and give a compliment

There’s no better way than to smile and give a compliment. For example, Wow! Brian, that’s a fantastic jacket. I love it! When you compliment somebody, they automatically are drawn to you like a moth to a flame. They start interacting, and you start feeling more comfortable. They start engaging you. You start engaging them and the people around you.

  • You will discover a new version of yourself. You will automatically overcome your shyness when you find a comfort zone. So give a compliment and do smile.

21. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone

The mind trick to stop being shy instantly is not something instant. It’s pushing yourself out of your comfort zone regularly.

  • You can’t get over being shy in certain situations or around certain people. If you don’t practice pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, it’s scary.

It’s tough, but the sooner you can do that, the more you do it, the better you’ll be, and the less shy you’ll feel in any situation. It’s almost like you’re building up a tolerance. You put yourself in that situation enough, and suddenly, it is not that scary. It’s that begins not to be that uncomfortable. I need you to do this for me. You’re going to be amazed.

22. Take care of yourself

You need to take care of yourself. Suppose you want to get your nails done and get your eyebrows done. You do get those new shoes that make you feel good.

  • Do you want to try that new hairstyle? What is going to make you feel good? When you feel good, you give out that welcoming energy. So take care of yourself, and make yourself feel good.
  • Another way how you can achieve faking being confident is to implement positive body language. Please listen to me, and when I tell you this has changed the game for me. The first part of implementing positive body language is posture. Give eye contact with someone speaking when someone’s speaking.

23. Accept yourself

Accept the things that you think are making you more prone to judgment. When you accept yourself 100%, things start to come together. It’s a process, but you learn to accept yourself, the way you speak, your quiet voice, introverted personality.

  • Once you accept those things, engaging with people is much easier. Accept yourself, and you won’t be worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. Because you already know how you accept yourself as a shy person. There’s nothing wrong with being shy.

24. Try new things

Try new things and take risks. You could be holding yourself back from many opportunities and things, and it’s time. It is time to try something new. It is time to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation and see how it goes.

This is why I started a YouTube channel. I wanted to create one for a long time but feared other people’s thoughts. I will put myself into a new situation that scares me a lot and does my best to get out of my little bubble.

  • Focus your energy on initiating conversations with others.
  • Go to that party with your friends.
  • Raise your hand in that class and ask questions.

99.9% of the time, you’ll say that wasn’t so bad. So stop worrying about that. Be proud of yourself that you have come this far. Be proud that you even learn how to deal with your shyness. Be proud that you finally spoke up in that class that you were nervous to talk about.

25. Practice privately

You’re doing a practice out loud, and you imagine that people are in front of you. Let’s say it is a social setting of a public speaking situation. Let’s say you’re giving a speech. You can imagine there is an audience. You’re going to do the proper body language you want to convey.

  • The point here is you practice it privately before you do it in front of anyone. You can also practice your speech, interview, ask somebody out on a date, and storytelling. Let’s say you want to get better at giving your friends a laugh or telling a story in a casual conversational setting, like in a cafe for some people. That’s super easy to do it.

If this is something that you want to work on, then practice the storytelling privately. You can do it in front of a mirror and practice it in front of an imagined audience.

26. Get some metal armor

We tend to overanalyze and overthink. In many social situations, people are often not paying attention to you. They’re thinking more about themselves than they are about you. It’s essential to be able to face rejection when there is rejection. So, start to develop some armor. Don’t take things personally.

  • Get your rejection-proof clothing, or at least get that mindset of being rejection-proof. Nothing anyone says can affect your self-worth and how you see yourself. It will prevent you from seeking social interaction if it does affect you. Also, it will prevent you from landing that dream job or having that memorable conversation with someone who can help you with your projects.

27. Don’t be self-conscious

Often, when we’re nervous about giving a speech or holding a meeting, we’re so focused on ourselves. What are they going to think of me? What do they think of my outfit? Do they worry about me? Can they understand me? Are they going to make fun of me?

  • Instead of being critical and self-conscious, we must take that focus away. Put it instead on the people that we are engaging with and that we’re interacting with. You’ll notice that your social anxiety will vanish when you engage. It disappears, and it works like clockwork.

Often, people are not even paying attention to what you’re doing or saying. Many people don’t even have the listening skills to listen to what you say.

28. Share your expertise

Often, when we’re nervous, we don’t want to say. It’s because we’re unfamiliar with or not passionate about the subject. So, when giving a speech or sharing something with friends or colleagues, let’s say you have a story you want to tell.

  • You will be confident and authentic if you are passionate about something. People will come toward you, and they will find that so inspiring because, ultimately, your passion will lead them to be passionate.
  • Sharing your expertise is a great way to start letting your confidence come through when you feel socially awkward. It could be something you’re very knowledgeable about that you have a lot of experience doing. Maybe you’re super darn passionate about it.
  • Let’s say you’re fascinated with nutritional health. If you’re passionate about it, share that passion with somebody and talk about it. It’s going to help you get rid of this social awkwardness.

It will help you build the confidence to talk to people about other subjects and ask the right questions. Because you’ll be able to figure out what people are interested in with what you share with them.

29. Highlight your strengths

Men are often shy because they think they have no value. Make a list of positive traits to offer things that make you better. Then, every morning in front of the mirror, recite that list so you can remember. Your mind is how valuable you are and all the value you offer others when interacting with them.

  • Make sure you do some research about the people going to be there. They’re there, and what they like when you can stay relevant and easily conversate with them. You’re going to work, then stay current on current events. That way, you can bring up topics quickly with your coworkers.
  • You could also remember what people told you that way when you meet them again. You can easily recite their words and pick up conversations without effort.

30. Identify yourself properly

It’s about changing how you identify yourself. If you say I’m shy, I am the shy type, and you identify yourself as who you will still be. It limits you from being able to change. But being shy is a behavior. You are acting shy and saying things to yourself that are causing you to be shy.

  • If you can tell yourself that I’m only shy because you don’t know how to have the strategies to stop being shy, it gives you the capability to change. But if you’re saying that I am a shy person, it’s as if you’re saying that you can’t change who you are, but being shy is a behavior, then that’s how you can empower yourself to stop being shy. Shy is an act, and it’s a behavior.

31. Stop thinking about yourself

Let’s say you’re doing public speaking and feeling shy and nervous. Start thinking about how your message or delivery will change other people’s lives. If you’re a comedian, you love to make people laugh. But when you’re about to go on stage, talk in front of, or tell your jokes in front of 10 people, you start to feel shy.

  • Think about how you’ll make them feel. They’ll feel so happy, or they get to laugh because of your performance. So, when you start thinking about how to serve others, you stop thinking and worrying about yourself.

It’s like, don’t worry about how you look or dress. If I could perform my best, I would add value to people. So, when I decided I wouldn’t be shy anymore, I started to think about contributing to the class versus how everyone would look at me.

32. Change the way you talk to yourself

When you’re shy, you’re saying, oh my God, there are so many people, I can’t do this. Other people can because they are not shy people. They were born that way. All these limiting beliefs you’re telling yourself stop you from changing your behavior.

  • So, you need to start identifying how you are saying things. You need to say, and if they can do it, I can do it. I might feel shy right now, or my heart might be pounding, but I can do it.

It’s about telling yourself I can, even if you don’t believe it yet. It’s already shifting you in the right direction. Because if you say, I can’t, you’re already freezing yourself. You won’t do anything about it because you said you couldn’t.

33. Adopt a curious mind

Adopt a curious mindset when you’re in a situation where you’re talking to other people.

  • Shift your focus away from yourself, from your fears and nervousness away from you. Shift your guide to the other person. An excellent way to think of it is to act as though you’re almost a news reporter. You’re trying to interview someone, and you’re trying to get information for a new segment you’re doing as a news reporter.
  • Adopt a curious mindset because you want to know more about the other person you’re talking to by adopting a curious mindset. You were able to engage with them. You want to learn more about them.

So when you’re at the office and come across a coworker, ask them questions like whether they are up to what they’re doing. What are they working on? What are they eating?

34. Be a storyteller

Have a story that you can tell them that relates to the exact topic you are discussing. As humans, we love to hear stories, and when you can share a meaningful story, whatever it is, you’re talking about with another person.

  • You can engage them further, which develops your bond with the other person closer.
  • The components of a good story include the situation, setting up, telling them what happened in that situation, what was going wrong, and the issues. How you felt and how they felt, move on to telling them about what you did.

35. Rebuild your identity

To unleash that, you need to break out of that identity.

  • Do things you usually wouldn’t.
  • Go to a party, the pub, the club, or talk to random strangers.
  • Also, do something you usually wouldn’t do, or even with a conversation, try to engage in that conversation.

What will happen is there will be some resistance that starts to build up. I got that, so for example, for me, what I did. I did public speaking and started taking an online course. It’s like I started talking to strangers. When you begin to do all those things, you change your identity. Those experiences breakthrough from this label that you’ll put upon yourself.

How to stop being shy in a relationship?

Overcoming shyness in a relationship involves building self-confidence, effective communication, and gradually stepping out of your comfort zone. Here are some strategies to help you become more open and less shy in your relationship:

How to stop being shy in a relationship
How to stop being shy in a relationship?

Open Communication: Communicate openly with your partner about your feelings of shyness. Being honest about your emotions helps your partner understand you better and provide support.

Start with Small Steps: Share small thoughts or opinions with your partner. Gradually increase the depth of your conversations as you become more comfortable.

Build Self-Confidence: Work on building your self-confidence. This is through self-affirmation, trying new activities, or developing new skills. Confidence in yourself will make it easier to open up in your relationship.

Practice Active Listening: Sometimes, focusing on listening and responding to your partner takes the pressure off you and helps you feel more comfortable in conversations.

Create a Safe Environment: Work with your partner to create a safe and non-judgmental space for each other. Knowing that you speak freely without fear of criticism can help reduce shyness.

Plan Activities Together: Engage in activities that you both enjoy. Shared experiences provide more topics for conversation and help you feel more connected.

Express Yourself in Different Ways: If verbal communication is challenging, try expressing your feelings through letters, texts, or small gestures.

Face Your Fears Gradually: Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone. This can be initiating plans, expressing feelings, or trying new activities together.

Seek Feedback: Ask for feedback from your partner about how you’re doing in overcoming your shyness. This provides encouragement and insights into areas you can improve.

Reflect on Past Successes: Remember times when you successfully overcame shyness. Reflecting on these moments gives you confidence.

Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practice mindfulness or relaxation techniques to manage anxiety or nervousness in the relationship.

Consider Professional Help: If your shyness is deeply rooted or stems from social anxiety, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor.

Be Patient with Yourself: Overcoming shyness is a process that takes time. Be patient and kind to yourself as you work through your feelings.

Celebrate Small Victories: Recognize and celebrate the moments you successfully manage your shyness. Acknowledging your progress is a great motivator.

How to stop being shy and make friends?

Overcoming shyness to make friends involves stepping out of your comfort zone, improving your social skills, and gradually building your confidence. Here are strategies to help you engage more easily and form friendships:

How to stop being shy and make friends
How to stop being shy and make friends?

Start Small: Begin with small steps like smiling, making eye contact, or saying hello to acquaintances. These minor interactions build your confidence in social settings.

Join Groups or Clubs: Join groups or clubs that align with your interests. This provides a natural setting for meeting like-minded people and makes initiating conversations easier.

Practice Conversation Skills: Prepare a few conversation starters or topics in advance. Having an idea of what to discuss can reduce anxiety in social situations.

Be a Good Listener: Show genuine interest in others. Ask open-ended questions and actively listen to their responses. People appreciate when they feel heard and understood.

Attend Social Events: Even if it feels daunting, try to attend social gatherings or events. The more you expose yourself to social situations, the more comfortable you will become.

Volunteer: Volunteering is a great way to meet people and bond over a shared cause, and it can also be a rewarding experience in itself.

Use Online Platforms: If starting conversations in person feels too intimidating, consider joining online forums or social media groups related to your interests.

Practice Positive Self-talk: Change negative thoughts about yourself with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your qualities and what you offer in a friendship.

Work on Your Body Language: Open and approachable body language makes you seem more inviting to others. Practice maintaining good posture, smiling, and making appropriate eye contact.

Set Personal Goals: Set achievable goals for social interactions, like initiating a conversation with someone new each week.

Reflect on Past Successes: Think about times you successfully interacted with others. This boosts your confidence in your social abilities.

Seek Role Models: Observe people who are good at making friends. Notice how they initiate and maintain conversations, and see if you can adopt some of their strategies.

Don’t Fear Rejection: Understand that not every interaction will lead to a friendship, and that’s okay. Rejection is a part of life and does not reflect your worth.

Consider Professional Help: If your shyness feels overwhelming, you benefit from speaking with a counselor or therapist who can provide strategies tailored to your needs.

Be Patient and Persistent: Building friendships takes time, especially when overcoming shyness. Be patient with yourself and keep trying.

How to stop being shy to talk to a girl?

Overcoming shyness when talking to a girl is challenging, but it becomes much easier with practice and the right mindset. Here are some strategies to help you build confidence and engage more comfortably:

How to stop being shy to talk to a girl
How to stop being shy to talk to a girl?

Start with Small Steps: Begin with simple interactions like saying hello or asking basic questions. This helps you get used to initiating conversation without feeling overwhelmed.

Practice Positive Self-Talk: Counter negative thoughts about yourself with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your strengths and worth.

Prepare Conversation Topics: Think of a few topics you’re comfortable discussing in advance. This includes hobbies, mutual interests, current events, or simple observations.

Work on Body Language: Practice open and confident body language. Stand tall, maintain appropriate eye contact, and smile. This can not only make you appear more confident but also help you feel more confident.

Engage in Active Listening: When you have conversations, focus on listening actively. This shows that you are interested and take some pressure off you to do all the talking.

Find Common Interests: Common interests are great conversation starters, making the interaction more natural and engaging.

Join Social Activities or Groups: Participating in group activities, clubs, or social events provides more opportunities to interact casually with girls, easing some of the pressure.

Practice in Low-Pressure Situations: Practice your conversation skills in situations with less pressure, like with friends, family members, or even while shopping or ordering food.

Challenge Yourself Gradually: Set small, achievable goals, like initiating a conversation with a stranger once a week.

Learn from Rejections: Rejection is a normal part of social interactions, not a reflection of your worth. Use rejections as learning experiences.

Avoid Overthinking: Avoid overanalyzing the situation before or after the conversation. This increases anxiety and shyness.

Visualize Success: Use visualization techniques to imagine successful interactions. This increases your confidence and reduces anxiety.

Consider Professional Help: If your shyness is severe and affects various aspects of your life, you benefit from speaking with a therapist.

Reflect on Past Successes: Remember times when you successfully engaged in conversation. This reminds you that you are capable of doing it again.

Be Genuine: Be yourself in conversations. Authenticity is more engaging and less stressful than trying to be someone you’re not.

5 daily Habits to overcome shyness

To help you break the bad habit of shyness, I will review 5 daily habits you can do.

Daily habit to overcome shyness
Daily habits to overcome shyness

1. Start doing it today

First, daily habit, then I need you to start doing it today, not tomorrow. Stop labeling yourself as shy. You got to stop giving yourself an out, gentlemen. If you are labeling yourself in your head, it’s an excuse. We tell ourselves that it was shy.

We tell ourselves we won’t have a good time and nobody will like us. Doing this prevents you from having permission to go out, be active, and engage.

2. Talk about yourself privately

The second daily habit you need to do every single day. It punches that little voice in your head, telling you you’re not good, smart, or strong enough. You got to punch it square in the face every single morning. How are you going to do that?

  • Every morning, you should stand in front of your mirror and talk about yourself like I’m awesome and will be healthy today. Here’s the deal every day: what I want you to do starting tomorrow morning when you wake up looking at yourself in the handsome face in the eyes in a mirror. Your brain begins with you, acknowledging the fact that you are fantastic.

3. Face your shyness

The third thing I want you to do daily to stop being shy is to face your shyness. It is critical that when you’re feeling shy, identify those situations and embrace them. You’re going to be afraid to go and talk.

So, I recommend that you at least face one difficult situation you feel uncomfortable with. If you do it day by day, you will win by breaking the wall of shyness.

4. Do something incredible

You have specific abilities and skills that I don’t have. I’ve got some that you don’t have. We all do something incredible. You’ve got to embrace it, and you’ve got to build it. Now, the trick is finding out what those things are. It’s about uncovering the things that you’re passionate about.

5. Do exercise regularly

I always encourage you to care for yourself physically because working out does this weird thing with your brain. The more you exercise, the more you push your body physically, and the stronger your mind gets.

The other beautiful thing is working out in the gym. It is an incredible place to be social and talk to people. Be around people and be immersed around a bunch of people. It will help you overcome your shyness.

  • You need to learn how to manage your anxiety. Shyness is social anxiety. Learn how to manage stress, and you’ll kill shyness. One easy way to do this and always practice is to control your breathing.

You want to make sure your exhales are longer than your inhales. In other words, you’ll breathe out longer than in the wheel axes. It’s a powerful tool. Doing this frequently has fantastic benefits.


You had to get into the root cause and deal with it appropriately to overcome your shyness. For example, you’re shy because you’re not confident in who you are. So, if the lack of self-confidence is the main factor, start working on your self-confidence.

Start weighing and take action. Do what you can to make yourself more confident. If you’ve gone through a traumatic, painful experience that contributes to your shyness, find someone you can trust, preferably.

Find someone who has gone through a similar experience, and then perhaps that person can give you some guidance and wisdom to overcome that. Sometimes, you may have to speak to a counselor for appropriate help. But do whatever you can that’s appropriate to overcome that barrier.

This guide has offered you the strategies and insights to navigate the waters of shyness, but the true power lies within you – in your resilience, willingness to grow, and unique qualities. Carry these lessons forward with an open heart and a brave spirit, knowing that every conversation and every new experience is an opportunity to grow and shine.

May your journey ahead be filled with moments of courage, enriching connections, and a newfound confidence that lights up every room you enter. Here’s to confidently embracing the world and letting your true self be seen and celebrated.

If you have any questions or thoughts, leave them in the comment section below. I’d love to hear them now if you want to learn more about overcoming your shyness. Let me know in the comment section down below what makes you shy. Please write it down and work on it.

Shyness Test

Frequently asked questions

Is being shy a mental health issue?

Being shy is being aware, too aware, and sensitive to your environment and people. You know very well what they think of you. How didn’t they judge you? When do you open your mouth?
Shyness affects social anxiety disorder or social phobia. But being only a shy person is common, and we also feel shy in many situations. It’s an adopting behavior, not a disease or mental illness. We can reduce our shyness by making regular habits and taking some action.

Does shyness mean a lack of confidence?

Introvert enjoys spending time alone. Simultaneously, shy people prefer to be alone because they fear being around people. There are lots of facts about shyness.
Lack of confidence is one of them. Shy people think negatively about themselves. They believe they are not intelligent, creative, or successful and have many negative aspects.

Read More:

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Top 10 Characteristics To Describe A Shy Person

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How To Describe A Shy Person?

25 Psychology Facts About Shy Guys

Julia Rose

My name is Julia Rose. I'm a registered clinical therapist, researcher, and coach. I'm the author of this blog. There are also two authors: Dr. Monica Ciagne, a registered psychologist and motivational coach, and Douglas Jones, a university lecturer & science researcher.I would love to hear your opinion, question, suggestions, please let me know. We will try to help you.

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