Hi, I’m Dr. Julia Rose, and in this article, you’ll learn the best tips to stop being shy. When we’re at a social function like a party or out with friends or a work gathering, we want to start a conversation with everyone. We don’t want to feel shy and not talk to people because we miss out on connections. We miss out on making friends on developing relationships. We want to speak to anyone there and feel comfortable making new friends quickly.
Shyness is an entirely natural reaction, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up because you tend to be shy in front of others. Today, I will help you understand where I believe your shyness comes from and my tips on how you can overcome it. In society, many of us think of people as gentle, sweet, nice, and fragile, but they don’t talk much.
They’re shy, and that may or may not be true, and if you’re shy, you may also have those qualities. Maybe you were born into a particular culture or society where you were raised to believe you need to be humble. You need to be conservative and can’t be too extroverted because that’s not a good quality in that specific culture. As a result, you’ve become this shy person, but you should know. Here’s the thing you should know.
What is shyness?
Shyness is something that is caused by childhood incidents, maybe in others. It may be brain chemicals that we’re born with, so one can reinforce the other. Once you read about the brain chemical element, you think there may be something in there.
Shyness is a bad habit on a personality trait. It’s not something you were born with. It’s something that we’ve learned, and we’ve self-sabotage, to be honest, because most of us when we get shy, it’s because we are too worried about what other people think.
We’re judging ourselves based on other people’s standards, and a lot of times, it’s more comfortable to be shy and be like, oh, I’m shy. If you do this, you’ll miss out on many fantastic opportunities this world has in store for you.
Shyness is something that can be learned and practiced over time. You may tend to be shy, but that’s because you’ve practiced it all your life. You’re probably shy. That shyness makes you look awkward. I’m here to give you what you need to fight that shyness and social anxiety.
Signs of shyness
We can quickly determine the shy person because shyness very quickly expresses physical and mental behavior. Here are some common signs of shyness:
- You are someone who avoids social interactions.
- You avoid parties and conversations with people.
- You avoid all situations where you have to break out of your shell.
- A shy person keeps looking at you, willing to talk but won’t.
- When you look at them, they will look away or down.
- They hesitate a lot and try to hide.
- A shy person doesn’t speak much in front of unknown people.
- They are somewhat better at observing than participating.
- Their voice is low, and they don’t show anger easily.
- They are silent and looking for a comfort zone.
- They are bad at starting conversations and probably pretty insecure.
- They like silent places and keep themselves alone.
Causes of shyness
There are a lot of causes for shyness. Our physical and mental activities are primarily responsible for it. Serotonin is your leadership hormone that grows your confidence. Also, Oxytocin (Love hormone) could cure shyness.
Maybe these hormones are responsible for your shyness or perhaps some other reason. Here are the top 10 reasons or causes for shyness:
1. Fear is an excellent cause of shyness: There’s a vital aspect of shyness, fear. Fear creates shyness in adults. In the brain’s limbic system called the amygdala, the amygdala is what triggers your fears.
Another part of the brain is called the hippocampus and forms memories. It decides what’s healthy, what should become a strong memory, and what you should forget about.
So the amygdala is triggered by a fear of insulin. The hippocampus turns that into a strong memory. Whenever you are in a social situation where you may be meeting strange people, it triggers fear, and you’re shy.
2. Genetic: One of the common causes of shyness is genetics. Science says that about 3% of genetics as a trait is inherited from our ancestors. There may be some truth to that. Either way, we speak the way we think and act partly due to our inherited genetics.
3. Culture: Another cause of shyness is your upbringing and culture. In some Asian cultures, introversion is more favorable and more respected.
Different countries have different types of cultures. A country carries different cultures from place to place. So if you migrate from one place to another, it’s difficult to feel free. You may feel shy and quiet.
4. Traumatic, painful experience: Another common cause could be a traumatic, painful experience that you’ve gone through in the past. It could happen at home where you’ve been abused or in public where someone has done something to you.
It hurts you, and when you go through that traumatic experience as a child, it can affect you psychologically and mentally. You start behaving differently. You become quieter and reserved.
5. Low self-esteem: If you don’t feel confident in who you are, chances are you don’t feel like talking to anybody. You’re concerned about how people will judge you or look at you. A lack of social skills if you don’t have experience talking with people can contribute to your shyness.
6. Childhood behavior: The common reason is that something from childhood has impacted you. It’s influencing your adulthood. This is very general. Let’s keep making it more specific in your childhood from ages 0 to 7.
It’s been studied that from ages 0 to 7 when the subconscious mind is most sponge-like, it absorbs as much as possible from ages 0 to 7. So you want to ask yourself.
Did anything out of the ordinary happen during this period? You can look out for a few things, let’s say, and you have an older brother or sister who used to speak up for you a lot since they spoke up for you. so much you felt more passive, more laid back this
Another reason for your childhood could be because you grew up in a pretty quiet household. Maybe your parents were shy, or your grandparents were shy.
7. Politeness: Certain people can’t fully understand you. they ask you to repeat yourself more, but they do it politely while others are obscene. This is the person that’s sticking out to you the most. You don’t want to offend more people like this.
You want to understand that there will always be bad people that emerge in any life context. If you are struggling with an accent, maybe one to a couple of people act like this.
8. Unconsciousness: You can’t distinguish between shy and quiet. You will create many problems for yourself that don’t exist. Shyness is when you’re feeling self-conscious to speak up, and quiet is when you’re not feeling self-conscious.
9. Overthinking: You are at this point in your life where you keep waiting for the perfect opportunities. You keep waiting for the ideal time to speak in a conversation.
There’s never a perfect time to speak in a conversation. There are bad times to talk in a conversation, but there are no perfect times. You have a problem with overthinking, looking for the perfect time to speak.
10. Personality: You think shyness is your personality, and it keeps you safe. The truth is that you are missing a lot of opportunity and enjoyment. Most people feel awkward with shy people. So it’s your wrong imagination that being shy is a good personality.
How to stop being shy?
Shyness stems from fear. Do you know what fear is? Fear is false evidence appearing real. This is important to understand as a shy person because you have this thing in your mind when your anxiety acts up when you’re shy. You’re afraid to do it sometimes.
You have these fears. Whether it be fear of rejection, judging, not being accepted, not being good enough, etc., you’re going to make a fool of yourself and have all these things silly running in your mind. It ends up depriving you of opportunities.
Today with 35 ways that you can quickly implement and anybody can do.
1. Determine what has caused your shyness
Determine what has caused your shyness and what happened to you in your past that has made you shy.
- Were you bullied or not accepted in any way? Did an accident or incident occur that makes you this way? Do know that if it’s anything of those sorts, that’s probably the reason you’re shy. It is not because you’re a shy person.
A lot of other people are not shy. Because they haven’t experienced the same thing, you have. If that’s the case, it’s something very fixable, and maybe if you get help from someone, you can even get rid of it. It could be that you’re a shy person.
It could be that you don’t understand social interactions that much. Maybe you haven’t had that much practice. There could be so many reasons for you to be shy. It’s right for you to determine the cause. It can lead to a specific form of self-acceptance.
2. See your weaknesses as your strengths
Shyness may cause you to be a hard worker at home or very intelligent or precise. Other things that you do there are always two of everything. You feel like it is a bad habit. It also has a lot of power and strengths.
I like to say I have anxiety and everything, and I have anxiety about losing my role, which is horrific. The other side is that I am like that makes me a super hard worker and a perfectionist, leading me to where I am today. My weaknesses and what I’ve gone through as a child has made me the healthy person I am now as an adult.
- So, try to turn your weakness into your superpower. People who have not struggled with anything like that that will not ever get anywhere in life. You need hardships to grow as a person. We’re going to get into coping mechanisms.
3. Make scenarios in your head
Some people are dying, but there are indeed people dying to go home. Because you’re not having fun, maybe that’s not that bad. It’s nice to make things a little less bad for yourself. You say something to someone, and you get an awkward reply. It is the worst thing that could happen. What would you have to do in that case?
- Make the scenarios in your head. Write them down what are the worst things that could happen to you. What are some nightmare scenarios could be? Someone isn’t applying you in the best way possible. What is the worst thing that can happen? Determine how bad that worst thing could happen.
For example, the worst thing that can happen if you go to a party alone is that you cannot find anyone you like. If that’s the worst thing, how bad is that? There’s always a way out. You can always go home. You don’t like it. You can go home. If that’s the worst thing, that’s not that bad.
- You would have to leave the situation and not talk to that person anymore. It’s not the worst thing that could happen, and how bad is it that it’s not that bad? You might never see them again, and it’s one person. Your life does not depend on it.
- So, try to write down the worst-case scenarios for yourself and make them last. The worst possible outcome might not even be that bad.
4. Take it easy
Start to accept that you only want to be around your type of people. In the end, you can put on an entire persona and pretend to be someone you’re not and then build a big group of friends with people who aren’t your type. They’re the type of like you when you’re acting.
After two months, you get tired of acting and turn to your person, and the whole vibe is wrong. You never liked those people that much because they’re not your type.
- It’s nice to accept that you only want to be friends with people you can connect with on an inner level. You, as a person, feel connected.
- It’s not bad to weed out the wrong people in advance because you’re not acting. It’s nice to be yourself. People who will like you for you will come to you, and those who won’t like you won’t. It’s not a big deal because you don’t want to be around them. You couldn’t be around them because it wouldn’t work. It’s pretty okay.
5. Keep secrets about your weaknesses
Don’t tell your weakness to anyone. I’ve talked about this a few times and learned a lot this year because I do not tell people about my weaknesses. They will take advantage of you, especially people you haven’t known for long.
- If you tell them that you’re shy, they’re going to see you as a shy person. They’re going to take advantage of you by putting you in situations. They know that you won’t fight for yourself. So, do not ever tell people that you’re shy.
6. Practice of calm back
There are a lot of grumpy people everywhere, and people are busy. You are trying to get to your destination. There are many situations where people are mean to me in the streets. What I don’t like is being hit on at that time.
I’m having an anxiety attack, and then if someone randomly decides to flirt with me, it makes me feel anxious. I’m not in the right state of mind to handle that situation. I have a safe word, and my safe word is ‘Leave me alone!’
I have that in my head. Since I’ve decided that’s my safe word, it comes naturally in any situation, and something happens. It’s easy because I don’t have to think about a comeback. Sometimes it’s hard for me if I have that anxiety. At that moment, coming up with a comeback was hard. You know how that feels. How you can come home thinking that you should have said something.
- You have to make sure you have a few default answers. You can say to someone in a case of feeling uncomfortable. If you’re shy, ‘leave me alone’ might not be practical. Something like, ‘I have to go pee’ could be one. You can get yourself out of any situation. Nobody will find that weird if you take that as your safe word.
You can say that all the time. It’s a natural thing to say. It’s okay. You can get out of any situation, and you have its default locks to it. It comes out fast that you don’t have to think about it. You don’t have to start.
7. Accept the trial and error process
Start seeing your life as a little bit of a social experiment and try to see it as a trial and error. Going to situations, try to see how it goes. See how people respond to you, and then if it doesn’t go right, you try again next time. If it does go right, you can write that down.
- Make a mental note and try it again. Your life is an experiment. If you see this trial and error, it’s a lot less bad. If it goes wrong and you don’t have to beat yourself up, it makes everything a little softer. I’m saying right here to soften your feelings and make everything feel a little less big and horrible.
It’s not that bad. Some people are going through immense trauma and pain. It’s, of course, and I’ve said this before. Everything you go through is relative. I’m not trying to say that you can’t feel this way and are not allowed to feel this way. But it’s right for you to soften your head and not make it all bad. It’s going to help you.
8. Stop thinking about shy
The more you think about it in your head, the more you want to stop thinking about being shy. The truth is you’re not permanently shy. It’s something that you can change. You’re not the shy guy. You’re shy on certain occasions, and it can be changed.
- So, stop overthinking it whether you’re out on a date or off with your friends. You’re too busy thinking about being shy. What do I do? I don’t know what to say. Your head is going to be filled in with negative thoughts. It’s exactly the opposite of what you need. You need a clear line of thinking to think about what you’ll say instead of your fears.
9. Mark your shyness
Make sure that you notice when you start feeling shy. Is it only when you’re talking to a girl or boy? For example, does it happen in person and on the phone? These things matter. Because once you know what causes it, you can be ready for it.
- It fits with girls or boys, then gives yourself a pep talk right before you start talking to them, or while you’re talking to girls, think to yourself when you get shy and usually when you stop talking. So this time, you are doing the opposite. You are doing this right because you can do it and stop thinking about it.
10. Smile and talk
When you’re not talking, you’re in your head. You’re overthinking. So, break the ice. Be fast! Don’t let dead air fill the conversation. Give compliments, whether a girl you’re talking to or a boss at work.
- Everyone loves compliments. It’s going to ease the conversation. It makes them feel good. Make sure that you’re honest.
If you like your boss’s shoes or tie, then say that. If you think his new car is nice, use that to break the ice, and the same for the girl. Talk about her outfit, make fun of her in an excellent way, and make sure that you’re smiling while you’re doing it.
- Get used to talking a lot more than you ever have. Open your mouth. Let it out. Sometimes you’ll feel stupid for whatever came out of your mouth, but anything is better than nothing. Once you start doing that, once you start talking and engaging with the other person, you’re going to notice that it’s not that hard at all. You get used to it.
11. Speak up a little bit louder
Get used to being out of your comfort zone. For example, if you’re shy, you tend never to speak up. You’re listening and processing the information, but keep your thoughts to yourself. It needs to change. What will you do next time you feel shy around a group of people?
- First, you’re going to increase the sound of your voice. You’re going to get a little bit louder, and that’s because when you’re shy, you tend to speak very softly. Because a lot of times, you don’t want other people to hear your conversation. You’re talking to that one person, and that’s it. You don’t want the whole group to chime in, but that needs to change.
- So, speak up a little louder, and others can join in on your conversation. Try to talk to people across the table from you on the other side. It is a great practice.
Once you can be comfortable talking to someone across the table from you while everyone is listening, you will feel like a completely different person. Get used to being outside your comfort zone and say goodbye to thinking you’re shy.
12. Think before saying something
Think about what you’re going to say before you even go out. I’m not saying write down exactly where you’re going to talk about a script. It is what I will say at dinner tonight with my friends. It’s not going to work. I’m saying think of a couple of jokes. Think of what’s happening in the world.
- Think of things that you can discuss and are comfortable talking about. It’s like presenting something in school. You have to study the subject to feel comfortable talking about it.
13. Be aware of your shyness
Understand what’s happening with your shyness. What do I mean by this? When you’re in a situation where you feel shy, take a look and begin to see what’s happening with the shyness. Take a look inside.
For example, why do I feel shy now if someone’s out at a party and feels shy? I feel shy because I feel nervous. Why do I feel uneasy? I feel nervous because there are people here that I don’t know. Why do I feel nervous about that?
- You begin to understand what’s happening with your shyness. You’ll probably come up with different reasons, and that’s important. What’s essential is that you begin to understand what’s happening. Once you become aware of something, then you begin to change it. It’s difficult to change something unless you’re aware of it.
- You don’t even know what it is. You need to change. I want to note this when you begin to look and see what’s going on with shyness. When you’re in situations that cause it, it’s essential to do so with kindness, and compassion, be gentle with yourself and be non-judgmental. From this ground of gentleness and understanding, you can understand what’s happening and begin to change it.
14. Write about your shyness
Try to understand what you aspire to see. Many say they want to overcome shyness but don’t know what that means or may not know.
As a result, it’s difficult for them to get there if you don’t see what you want. There’s a good chance you can get it. What I recommend is that you write out. It is what you want to achieve, making you much more likely to achieve it.
- Write the problems that lead to shyness.
- Make a sticky note about your fears & insecurities.
- Read your notes and problems loudly and say- I’m a winner. I’m stronger.
When you do it daily, your brain will mark it as necessary. Then your brain automatically starts emission dopamine, which is called motivational neurotransmitters. It leads your mind to stay awake and joyful, which helps overcome your shyness.
15. Go out and socialize
Go out and socialize a couple of times a week with people you don’t know. I recommend going to a mall or maybe a party with friends we don’t know.
- Go for an hour at a time. Nothing big, and practice is talking to people there. If you’re at the mall, you can practice going into the store, shopping talking to the people in the stores.
It makes you feel more comfortable around people you don’t know, which will help your body adjust and make you feel less shy and more confident in social situations. I always say you absolutely can find social success.
- You can make everyone like you. You can make many friends. You’ll have to schedule. You can get all the dates you want. You can feel confident and free in social situations. It’s all quite simple.
16. Use affirmations to hack your mind
An affirmation is a reinforcing statement that is simply programmed. Your mind thinks of your mind as a computer. It’s going to turn in the same way. Every day it’s going to open the same programs. It’s going to shut down the same way.
- Every day, if you want to change what’s happening here, you need to use affirmations. You need to reprogram what’s going on in here.
- So you’ve probably heard of this before and dismissed it, but it works. You have to be consistent with it. But telling yourself that you’re not shy, that your imperfections don’t matter, that you’re outgoing and that you’re confident that people will like you.
People are going to be drawn toward you. It’s only going to reinforce that statement, and it’s going to make you believe. An affirmation is telling yourself the same statement over and over again. I’m a confident man, and I don’t worry about judgment.
17. Break the comfort zones
You have to challenge the comfort zone. Ask people more questions, and start leading the conversation because you’d be a confident person. Take a mental preparation for breaking your comfort zone that increases your shyness.
- You should never label yourself as someone who isn’t confident. It’s the same way you should never label yourself as someone who’s shot because confidence comes from challenging your comfort zones. The more you’ve done it, the more you’ve established trust within that area. You have to be aware of that situation.
18. Use the five-second rule
This is counting down from five to zero in your head, but before you get to zero, you have to take action, which could be to break the ice. You want to speak to someone over there, but you’re too shy. Your minds are going to be telling all of you this.
- Your insecurities will start to kick in. You’ll fear your worries five-second rule counts are down from five, four, three, two, and one. Before you get to one, you’re off, and you’ve gone and started the conversation. You’ve broken the ice challenge yourself because the more you use that five-second rule to do more to break those problems.
When I say this breaking the ice and speaking to someone is the hardest thing, it becomes easier once it’s done. The conversation starts to flow.
19. Identify your insecurities
The best trick to getting over being shy is to identify your insecurities. What are you insecure about, and once you identify them, change them. If you can’t embrace them, they’re growing up. Many guys who are insecure about their teeth or smile won’t talk as much as confident people are comfortable with their teeth. If this is you, you can do something about it.
- You could whiten them. If they’re yellow, you could get orthodontic procedures or braces. It’s not cheap, and you might have to spend a little money.
- If you’ve got acne or skin pigmentation, it kills your confidence. There’s help out there. See a dermatologist, see a dietician, and after you get it under control. To identify your insecurities and solve them smartly.
20. Smile and give a compliment
There’s no better way than to smile and give a compliment. For example, Wow! Brian, that’s a fantastic jacket. I love it! When you compliment somebody, they automatically are drawn to you like a moth to a flame. They start interacting, and you start feeling more comfortable. They start engaging you. You start engaging them and the people around you.
- You will discover a new version of yourself. You will automatically overcome your shyness when you find a comfort zone. So give a compliment and do smile.
21. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone
The mind trick to stop being shy instantly is not something instant. It’s pushing yourself out of your comfort zone regularly.
- You can’t get over being shy in certain situations or when you’re around certain people. If you don’t practice pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, it’s scary.
It’s tough, but the sooner you can do that, the more you do it, the better you’re going to be, in the less shy. you’re going to feel in any situation. It’s almost like you’re building up a tolerance. You put yourself in that situation enough, and suddenly, it is not that scary. It’s that begins not to be that uncomfortable. I need you to do this for me. You’re going to be amazed.
22. Take care of yourself
You need to take care of yourself. Suppose you want to get your nails done and get your eyebrows done. You to get those new shoes that make you feel good.
- Do you want to try that new hairstyle? What is going to make you feel good? When you feel good, you give out that welcoming energy. So take care of yourself, and make yourself feel good.
- Another way how you can achieve faking being confident is to implement positive body language. Please listen to me, and when I tell you, this has changed the game for me. The first part of implementing positive body language is posture. Give eye contact with someone speaking when someone’s speaking.
23. Accept yourself
Accept the things that you think are making you more prone to judgment. When you accept yourself 100%, things start to come together. It’s a process, but you learn to accept yourself, the way you speak, your quiet voice, introverted personality.
- Once you accept those things, it’s much easier to engage with people. You accept yourself, and you’re not going to be worried about saying the wrong something or doing the wrong thing. Because you already know how you accept yourself as a shy person. There’s nothing wrong with being shy.
24. Try new things
Try new things and take risks. You could be holding yourself back from so many opportunities from so many things, and it’s time. It is time to try something new. it is time to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation and see how it goes.
This is why I started a YouTube channel. I wanted to create one for a long time, but I was scared of what other people thought. I will put myself into a new situation that scares me a lot and does my best to get out of my little bubble.
- Focus your energy on initiating conversations with others.
- Go to that party with your friends.
- Raise your hand in that class and ask questions.
99.9% of the time, you’re going to say that wasn’t so bad. So stop worrying about that. Be proud of yourself that you have come this far. Be proud that you even learn how to deal with your shyness. Be proud that you finally spoke up in that class that you were nervous to talk about.
25. Practice privately
You’re doing a practice out loud, and you imagine that there are people in front of you. Let’s say it is a social setting of a public speaking situation. Let’s say you’re giving a speech. You can imagine there is an audience. You’re going to do the proper body language you want to convey.
- The point here is you practice it privately before you do it in front of anyone. You can also practice your speech, your interview, asking somebody out on a date, and possible storytelling. Let’s say you want to get better at giving your friends a laugh or telling a story in a casual conversational setting like in a cafe for some people. That’s super easy to do it.
If this is something that you want to work on, then practice the storytelling privately. You can do it in front of a mirror and practice it in front of an imagined audience.
26. Get some metal armor
We tend to overanalyze and overthink. In many social situations and a lot of the time, people are not paying attention to you. They’re thinking more about themselves than they are about you. It’s essential to be able to face rejection when there is rejection. So start to develop some armor. Don’t take things personally.
- Get your rejection-proof clothing, or at least get that mindset of being rejection-proof. Nothing anyone says can affect your self-worth and how you see yourself. If it does affect you, that will prevent you from seeking out social interaction. Also, it will prevent you from landing that dream job or having that memorable conversation with someone who can help you with your projects.
27. Don’t be self-conscious
Often, when we’re nervous about giving a speech or holding a meeting, we’re so focused on ourselves. What are they going to think of me? What do they think of my outfit? Do they worry about me? Can they understand me? Are they going to make fun of me?
- Instead of being critical and self-conscious, we must take that focus away. Put it instead on the people that we are engaging with that we’re interacting with. You’ll notice that your social anxiety will somehow vanish when you’re able to engage. It disappears, and it works like clockwork.
Often, people are not even paying attention to what you’re doing or saying. Many people don’t even have the listening skills to listen to what you say.
28. Share your expertise
Often, when we’re nervous, we don’t want to say. It’s because we’re not that familiar with the topic or are not passionate about the subject. So in the context of giving a speech or sharing something with a group of friends or colleagues, let’s say you have that story you want to tell.
- If you are passionate about something, that will come across as you’re so confident and authentic. People will come towards you, and they’re going to that so inspiring because ultimately, your passion will lead them to be passionate.
- Sharing your expertise is a great way to start letting your confidence come through in moments where we feel socially awkward. It could be something you’re very knowledgeable about that you have a lot of experience doing. Maybe you’re super darn passionate about it.
- Let’s say you’re fascinated with nutritional health. If you’re passionate about it, share that passion with somebody, and talk about it. It’s going to help you get rid of this social awkwardness.
It will help you build that confidence you need to talk to people about other subjects and ask the right questions. Because you’ll be able to figure out what people are interested in with what you’re sharing with them.
29. Highlight your strengths
Men are often shy because they think they have no value. Make a list of positive traits to offer things that make you better. Then, every morning in front of the mirror, recite that list so you can remember. Your mind is how valuable you are and all the value you offer other people when interacting with them.
- Make sure you do a little bit of research about the people going to be there. They’re there and what they like when you could stay relevant and easily conversate with them. You’re going to work, then stay up to date on current events. That way, you can bring up topics quickly with your coworkers.
- You could also remember what people told you that way when you meet them again. You can easily recite what they’ve said and pick up conversations without any effort.
30. Identify yourself properly
It’s about changing how you identify yourself. If you always say I’m a shy person, I am the shy type, and you identify yourself as who you will still be. It limits you from being able to change. But being shy is a behavior. You are acting shy and saying things to yourself that are causing you to be shy.
- If you can tell yourself that I’m only shy because I don’t know how to have the strategies to stop being shy, then it gives you that capability to change. But if you’re saying that I am a shy person, it’s as if you’re saying that you can’t change who you are, but being shy is a behavior, then that’s how you can empower yourself to stop being shy. Shy is an act, and it’s a behavior.
31. Stop thinking about yourself
Let’s say you’re doing public speaking, and you’re feeling shy, and you’re feeling nervous. Start thinking about how your message or delivery will change other people’s lives. If you’re a comedian, you love to make people laugh. But when you’re about to go on stage, talk in front of, or tell your jokes in front of 10 people, you start to feel shy.
- Think about how you’ll make them feel. They’re going to feel so happy, or they get to laugh because of your performance. So when you start thinking about how to serve others, you stop thinking and worrying about yourself.
It’s like don’t worry about how you look or dress. If I could perform my best, I would add value to people. So when I decided I wouldn’t be shy anymore, I started to think about contributing to the class versus how everyone would look at me.
32. Change the way you talk to yourself
When you’re shy, you’re saying, oh my God, there’s so many people, I can’t do this. Other people can because they are not shy people. They were born that way. All these limiting beliefs that you’re saying to yourself stop you from changing your behavior.
- So, you need to start identifying how you are saying things. You need to say, and if they can do it, I can do it. I might feel shy right now, or my heart might be pounding, but I can do it.
It’s about telling yourself I can, even if you don’t believe it yet. It’s already shifting you in the right direction. Because if you say, I can’t, you’re already freezing yourself. You’re not going to do anything about it because you said you couldn’t.
33. Adopt a curious mind
Adopt a curious mindset when you’re in a situation where you’re talking to other people.
- Shift your focus away from yourself, from your fears and nervousness away from you. Shift your guide to the other person. This may sound silly, but an excellent way to think of it is to act as though you’re almost a news reporter. You’re trying to interview someone, and you’re trying to get information for a new segment you’re doing as a news reporter.
- Adopt a curious mindset because you want to know more about that other person you’re talking to by adopting a curious mindset. You were able to engage with them. You want to learn more about them.
So when you’re at the office and come across a coworker, ask them questions like whether they are up to what they’re doing? What are they working on? What are they eating?
34. Be a storyteller
Have a story that you can tell them that relates to the exact topic you are discussing. As humans, we love to hear stories, and when you can share a meaningful story, whatever it is you’re talking about with another person.
- You can engage them further, which develops your bond with the other person closer.
- The components of a good story include the situation, setting up, telling them what happened in that situation, what was going wrong, and the issues. How you felt and how they were feeling, move on to telling them about what you did.
35. Rebuild your identity
To unleash that, you need to break out of that identity.
- Do things you usually wouldn’t.
- Go to a party, the pub, the club, or talk to random strangers.
- Also, Do something you usually wouldn’t do, or even with a converted, try and engage in that conversation.
What will happen is there will be some resistance that starts to build up. I got that, so for example, for me what I did. I did public speaking and started taking an online course. It’s like I started talking to strangers. When you begin to do all those things, you change your identity. Those experiences breakthrough from this label that you’ll put upon yourself.
5 daily habits to overcome shyness
To help you break the bad habit of shyness, I will go over 5 daily habits you can do.
1. Start doing it today
First daily habit, then I need you to start doing today, not tomorrow. Stop labeling yourself as shy. You got to stop giving yourself an out, gentlemen. If you are labeling yourself in your head, it’s an excuse. We tell ourselves that it was shy.
We tell ourselves we’re not going to have a good time and nobody’s going to like us. Doing this prevents you from having permission to go out, be active, and engage.
2. Talk about yourself privately
The second daily habit you need to do every single day. It punches that little voice in the back of your head telling you you’re not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, whatever. You got to punch it square in the face every single morning. How are you going to do that?
- Every morning you should stand up in front of your mirror and talk about yourself like I’m awesome, and I will be healthy today. Here’s the deal every day, what I want you to do starting tomorrow morning when you wake up looking yourself in the handsome face in the eyes in a mirror. Your brain begins with you, acknowledging the fact that you are fantastic.
3. Face your shyness
The third thing I want you to do daily to stop being shy is facing your shyness. It is critical that when you’re feeling shy, identify those situations and embrace them. You’re going to be afraid to go and talk.
So I recommend that you at least face one difficult situation you feel uncomfortable with. If you do it day by day, you will win by breaking the shyness wall.
4. Do something incredible
You have specific abilities and skills that I don’t have. I’ve got some that you don’t have. We all do something incredible. You’ve got to embrace it, and you’ve got to build it. Now the trick is finding out what those things are. It’s about uncovering the things that you’re passionate about.
5. Do exercise regularly
I always encourage you to care for yourself physically because working out does this weird thing with your brain. The more you exercise, the more you push your body physically, and the stronger your mind gets.
The other beautiful thing is working out in the gym. It is an incredible place to go and be social to talk to people. Be around people and be immersed around a bunch of people. It will help you overcome your shyness.
- You need to learn how to manage your anxiety. Shyness is social anxiety. Learn how to manage stress, and you’ll kill shyness. One easy way that you can do and always practice is to control your breathing.
You want to make sure your exhales are longer than your inhales. In other words, you’ll breathe out longer than in the wheel axes. It’s a powerful tool. Doing this frequently has fantastic benefits.
You had to get into the root cause and deal with it appropriately to overcome your shyness. For example, let’s say you’re shy because you’re not confident in who you are. So if the lack of self-confidence is the main factor, start working on your self-confidence.
Start weighing and take action. Do what you can to make yourself more confident. If you’ve gone through a traumatic, painful experience that contributes to your shyness, find someone you can trust, preferably.
Find someone who has gone through a similar experience, and then perhaps that person can give you some guidance and wisdom to overcome that.
Sometimes, you may have to speak to a counselor and get the appropriate help. But do whatever you can that’s appropriate to overcome that barrier.
I hope this article was beneficial and if you have any questions or thoughts, leave them in the comment section below. I’d love to hear them now if you want to learn more about how you can overcome your shyness. Let me know in the comment section down below what makes you shy. Please write it down and work on it.
Frequently asked questions
Is being shy a mental health issue?
Being shy is being aware, too aware, and sensitive to your environment and people. You know very well what they think of you. How didn’t they judge you? When do you open your mouth?
Shyness affects social anxiety disorder or social phobia. But being only a shy person is common, and we also feel shy in many situations. It’s an adopting behavior, not a disease or mental illness. We can reduce our shyness by making regular habits and taking some action.
Does shyness mean a lack of confidence?
Introvert enjoys spending time alone. Simultaneously, shy people prefer to be alone because they fear being around people. There are lots of facts about shyness.
Lack of confidence is one of them. Shy people think negatively about themselves. They believe they are not intelligent, creative, or successful and have many negative aspects.